poetry/prose by Calvero.

I wanna have sex with this guitar.

Rough, angry, violently-awesome sex.

i hope your nuts are the size of minivans

Her face
is a waterfall.

Your fist
is a fist.

Line up
your knuckles
and punch through the waterfall
of her face
with your fist-shaped

Open your fist.

Feel the air
behind her waterfall

Grope it
in the same manner
that you groped her breast
when you were feeling
her breast
for the first time,

Grope it
        and then increasingly
        increasingly more

It doesn’t feel
how you thought
it’d feel,

    does it?

that’s only to be

You fell in love
with a first impression
and then filled in the blanks
with fictional parts
of her
that you wrote
    as people tend
    to do.

But you cannot
the air behind
her waterfall face

and this air behind
her waterfall face
is who she is.

This air behind
her waterfall face
is the person
you have to love.

Can you?

Can you breathe in
the person
she is?


I dare you
to try.

I triple dog
dare you
to try,
    mother fucker.

Go on,
    go ahead.

Uh huh,

uh huh…

I hope your nuts
are the size
of minivans.

© Calvero 2014

My marriage will be exactly like theirs.
If not? I will die single with dozens and dozens of cats.
Either way, seems pretty win-win to me.

So calling my dick this from now on.

So calling my dick this from now on.

keep using your insides the way you are




I shaved my balls
for another girl

Another girl
who wasn’t

It made me
really sad.

I didn’t even wanna
be doing it.

I just felt
forced to
for some reason.

It felt a lot
like homework
in that way.

Shaving my balls
for another girl
who wasn’t you
felt a lot like…


katy perry cover


Calvero seems like a chill ass bro. Apparently he lives in his parents’ basement with two cats, works at a cat hospital, and eats a lot of Taco Bell.

I’ve vaguely seen some of Calvero’s stuff while perusing #alt lit or #poems or something here on Tumblr, but otherwise he’s…

Dear anyone who’s ever looked back at their life and said, “No. I have no regrets,” and has actually meant it.

Seriously. Fuck you.

I have regrets. Tons of regrets. I have hurt countless people through my life, sometimes on purpose, sometimes by accident, and so have you, so why wouldn’t you wanna take it back considering the amount of pain you have caused another human being? Saying “I have no regrets” shows a complete lack of remorse for every bad thing you’ve ever done, every mistake you’ve ever made.

But “Calvero, mistakes make you stronger.” As long as you learn from them, yes. And people make mistakes because people are imperfect. But what people forgot is that the person you are today, this person who has learned so much from all the mistakes they’ve made, this person they’re so proud that they’ve become and grown into… guess what?

You could have become this same strong person you are now if you had just lived your life full of love. If you had just been strong enough to not let fear and selfishness cloud your mind enough in order to hurt other people, if you didn’t let yourself take the easy way out as often as you did.

Whoever you are today, you are this person because you had to learn things the hard way. You coulda learned things the easy. But you didn’t. Which is fine. But at least have the balls and courtesy and respect to say, “I am human, I have messed up, I’m sorry for what I have done, I will try not to do it again and I will also not let my mistakes eat me alive, but, yes, I have regrets.”

This whole “I have no regrets things,” really sickens me. It’s nothing more than a cheap way out of not taking responsibilities for your actions. 

If I could take back every single thing I did that hurt someone, I would.

And you’re right, I wouldn’t be the same person I am today if I had never hurt someone.

I’d be even stronger.